the ABCs of a week off

a. Being on break is pretty awesome. I love being fed by others, watching CSI on other people's TiVo, going to casino shows that other people pay for, and just in general relaxing without many worries.

b. Northern Nevada is pretty f'in rural. Which is also pretty f'in awesome. You can see past essentially any house and see cows a'grazin and hills (and by hills, I mean the Sierras. But then again, when they sang "the hills are alive", they meant the Alps. So I guess it's all relative) a'rollin. Besides, it's calving season, so there are little moo-cows running around everywhere. It's the cutest thing you've ever seen and it'll make you appreciate life miracles and the beauty of nature in all of their glory.

c. I love feeling my kitty's furry body in my arms (and her tiny face purring in my cheek) as if she were my child. I mean, the human vaginally-born kind. I miss her when I'm away and I can't wait to get home to hear her adorable meows.

Ok, that's all I got for now. You?

legacy

As we gathered into a passionate crowd at Castro and marched down Market toward City Hall, the significance and historical implications of this event began to sink in. We walked in the footsteps of Harvey Milk, in the streets he protected from injustice some years ago. We were continuing his fight for equality; we were uniting with one purpose; we were part of something much greater than ourselves. Just as we look at the past in disbelief that people of different races could not legally marry, our children will look at this time and think the same about sexual orientation.

This truly is the civil rights movement of our generation.


Then:


Now:

shower realizations

I didn't love myself at 114 lbs, so I might as well now at 145 lbs.

quarter life not-totally crisis

The other week, I had a dream that involved a mama whale swimming peacefully with her calf through beautiful calm waters. It was one of those heart-changing dreams, when you wake up with something inside slightly different. It was such a serene and natural picture, like all was right with the world, like this is how things were supposed to be. A strong yet gentle mother with her clumsy trusting calf, going about their way just as Nature has designed.

This is such a change from my usual state of complete terror and various ethical dilemmas toward the topic of parenthood, and specifically motherhood. Intellectually, of course, I understand perfectly that this is the way in which the world exists. There have to be children for life on Earth to continue. Right?

Except there's also the whole... alien cells multiplying inside your organs, an unfairly one-sided ripping of body parts, and then? Then, you are actually solely responsible for the fate (which involves both the health and the integrity of character) of a human being, who will (hopefully) exist and continue to influence the world much longer than yourself.

That, to me, is a holy-fucking-shit type of a situation.

It was also interesting for me to witness the following conversation. Somehow I would never have thought that there are people who believe that parenting is easier than marriage (or significant relationship). Although I have never been a parent, I can only say that marriage has so far been a compromising partnership with my best friend. Whereas otherwise, I am out there working with people through their daddy (and mommy) issues on a daily basis.

This dream, however, helped me shift my mindset (ever-so-slightly) toward seeing this generational progression as natural, and peaceful even. I am slowly letting go of my fears, and I guess this is a sign that I am growing up.

but dust

Can you believe it's March already? I know, I know, me neither.

Here are a few things I wanted to say about last Wednesday, it being Ash Wednesday. Just something that, despite total brain exhaustion, made me smile throughout the day:

- I know we are in a drought, and all this rain has been good for nature, but heck. It was damn nice to see the sunshine and not have to wear all that water-resistant gear.
- A yellow plastic turtle ring a friend in my program gave me. It's from the $0.25 machines on the street on her way to school, and she thought of me in passing it. It has an "adjustable" (as much as plastic is... well, plastic) band and fits on my ring finger. I wore it all day, even on my evening commute, and it never ceased to make me happy.
- Girls making out in front of the church building, after which one of them entered the church for the Ash Wednesday service.
- Ash Wednesday service which revitalized in me the Lenten traditions of prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial. I am ready to be moved.

And there you have it. Happy week to you; I hope you find the time to smile because it's a beautiful beautiful world.